Ah, Sundance. A time for independent filmmakers to humbly cast celebrities as day players and share it with the REAL artistic community - you know, the ones who were comped $2000 passes from the studios.
Feeling uptight at the fact that 4 of the 8 films I saw already had distribution deals, I decided to get back in touch with my motives for traveling 21 hours to this cozy mountain town - SWAG. And not just the water bottles and chap sticks of yesteryear...Oh no, my friends, we're talking Timberland Snow Boots (spring '12 - Pink), orthodic running shoes, $250 gift certificates to jewelry stores, free massages, scarves, hats, gloves, and a Starbucks gift card- just for saying whether or not I noticed if Bing was a sponsor of Sundance (I was asked this literally in front of the Bing Bar).
I already own an entire winter wardrobe, and I live in LA. Yet, there's something in the air that makes you say, "I need this shit". And EVERYONE does it. One of the volunteers stole a lightbulb Timberland was using for eco photo-ops. I saw 2 celebs smooth-talking the sales rep just for a bottle of olive oil. It wasn't even a full bottle. It was damn tasty though, and I can now make dressing for a year.
Here is an actual List of the SWAG that fit in my car
6 Glacier water bottles
10 Sundance Nalgene bottles (same exact color and style of the 10 I grabbed last year, but these said 2012 instead of 2011 so...)
1 pair of knee high Pink Timberland Snow Boots (great to have for the snowstorms in LA)
2 Ski hats with mustaches attached (Bin Laden Brown and Mustard Yellow)
2 Timberland scarves in wash-everyone-out beige
T-shirt from the film I hated
4,359 chap sticks
$250 gift certificate to jewelry that starts at $500
$50 gift certificate to custom made jeans that start at $250
1 pair of purple gloves with the words YAHOO all over them
3 body lotions made from the hands of the Slamdance filmmakers
6 bottles of coconut water that taste like cardboard and pho's redheaded step child
Ryka Running shoes (no snarky comment here, they're amazing)
7 buttons for films I never saw and 2 for Occupy Sundance
6 mini bottles of olive oil in flavors of wheatgrass, lemon, tandori, butter, basil, and olive oil
267 items that I have yet to identify
Can I have one of the nalgene bottles? And I want to grab coffee and hear all about it.
ReplyDeleteHi-larious. So true. I'm passing this on to Robert Redford. Apparently, he is forgetting what the true meaning of Sundance is these days...old age and thin mountain air will do that to you.
ReplyDeleteI think your next post should reference the cousin of SWAG, free ALCOHOL.
Ah yes, free booze and thin alpine air: A timeless pairing. Goes well with walking half a mile in a blizzard because you missed the shuttle again.
ReplyDeleteJFaks: Yes a nalgene bottle and 325 chap sticks are yours. Would you also like a beige scarf? Great for blending into the scenery.