Does your currently famous/infamous baby lack irony? Is he or she at risk for Typical Childhood Experience? Have no fear, after 12 minutes of watching E! News, I have created your Step-by-Step Guide to naming your Celebrity Baby. It makes choosing a name almost as easy as the C-section delivery!
1. Have your assistant/parole officer write down the names of everyone you know who is older than 80. Please include the entire cast of the Golden Girls. Others will see this as a touching tribute to your beloved nana or papi, but you know that Old People names are extremely ironic.
2. Go to Lowes, Home Depot, or Restoration Hardware and head straight for the paint section. Take a couple of sample cards for reference. You should also be aware that Lowes, Home Depot, and Restoration Hardware are also suitable names for Celebrity Babies.
3. If you’re still stuck, standard go-to’s are produce, sidekick characters in popular children’s novels (especially if they’re named after a plant, state of being, or celestial object), and foreign language terms for plants, states of being, and celestial objects.
What's Your Celebrity Baby's Name?
Gloria Mombasa Mist
ReplyDeleteEmmanuel Keswick Brown
Nathaniel Baltic Green
Theodora Duchess Lilac
(paint color names courtesy of Ralph Lauren Lifestyle Colors)