Starlight Tan, I always park in your section when I'm actually going to Starbucks. What kind of a tanning salon needs 13 parking spots?
Why is it that hipsters can wear just about anything? Yesterday this wee ironic teeny bopper sat next to me in birkenstocks with calf-high polka dot socks and a hot pink miumiu 7 times her size. I immediately wanted to trade lives with her.
Sometimes I want to steal the laptops of people who ask me to watch theirs for them while they go pee. Just for shits and giggles.
I wish my skills for diagraming sentences could make me millions.
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